this is so0o0o0o sad….  i’ve been writing crap for,, wat..? 3 days n0w?!? golly szhooboinx…  doesn’t sound lyk me at all, does it!?!? well,, lyk they say,, wer all entitled to feeling lyk crap once in a while…   *i think i just made that up…* 0weL….

haaay,, ang lungkot ng buhay ko… pati dito nilalabas ko pa…. kahiya sa mundo!!  wahahaha!! darating ung araw,, mababasa ko to,, tapos, tatawanan ko lng… darating ung araw makakalimutan ko na ung gan2ng feeling… sana nga..  kung klan ka man darating,, pki bilis bilisan!! bka di na tau mag-abot!!!!! (wag naman.. mrami pa ko panaginip at pangarap sa buhay kong wlang kwenta… hey.. u cant jus give up!!?!?)   

1:10 am ryt n0w…. i think i’m turning n0cturnal… hahaha!! well,, not really,, coz i’m just as hyper in the morning…

di kya maubusan na ko ng energy nito?!!?

u know,, i think i’m lyking this.. i mean,, switching languages… it’s kinda fun.. just imagine the look on those pipols’ faces…………

s0ri nlang sa inyo… matuto kc kaung magtagalog!! jowk lang poh!! wahahaha!! >>><<<


“Sometimes you just have to turn your back and walk away….Whether you walking out on your friends, your family, or the love of your life…Sometimes walking away is the hardest thing to do but the best thing in the end…….”


it IS the hardest thing..

best thing in the end…?

i don’t think i’m goin to make it till the end..

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

but some pipol..

don’t even bother..

to stand up..

to ACTUALLY get on their feet..

just sit there..

and watch the world turn away from ur friend..

or used to be..

wat the fuck….?

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

life is not fair

life isn’t fucking fair..

just wen i thought—

just wen i was beginning to believe and understand—



in the end,, we all ask……


why did i have to–

why did i evn bother–

why didn’t i–

why didn’t they–

why AREN’T they–

BULLSHIT WHY?!!??!?!!?!?!??!

chempre dba…. e2 na nman tau… kwenta ka,, kinig ako… plastikan tau….. kunwari astigan tau…. pero sa loob ko lng,,, gusto kitang sakalin….


ako lng ba to,, or ang cold mo na?!?!?!!??! ….. prang feeling ko kc kabad 3p na ko kausap dhil sa mga drama nato……….. chempre sau gling yan….. prang nananadya ka na iparamdam sakin na,, wla na nga ako… na di na ko part ng mundo nio… which is tru.. pero sna nman,, pare,, wag harpharapan db?!?!? its hard enuff as it alredy is……….. sana lang,, wag ko mrinig sau na AKO… na AKO PA… ung nagbago. kc,, shet nman,,, magwawala ako… only hell knows wat i can do,,,, cguro hndi sau,, pero bka sa sarili ko pa.

as always,,, lyk in every single gawd forsaken moment in my hell pathetic life,,, mali n nman ako.

life is short, isn’t it?

tym flies super fast, doesn’t it?

remember “live lyf to the fullest..”?

remeber “live life by the day..”?

remember “take risks…”?

and yet we still keep messing lyf up…

what a fucked up world it is out there…

a fucked up, gawd damned, downright bullshit w0rld.

now that i think about it…

is lyf really worth it?


ang buhay,, minsan nakakapagod na….

duh,, we all know dat ryt?!?

parang gusto mo ng bumigay.. pero di pa pede eh… marami ka png dapat gawin… marami pang dapat asikasuhin at tapusin…

gan2 ng gan2 tapos sa huli,,, wla rin.

ka bad 3p din no?!

buti sana kung my taong—-

at sana kung—

ang buhay puro nln sana,, ah kc nman wla ng tama.

and oh yeah,, for u guys who didnt really understand what i just said.. wahahah,, sorry…. u just hav to get a flip dictionary to find out wat it means.. not dat its important anyways…

B. O. R. E. D.

nutin 2 do…

but hey! 5 days no school… no hw….  im not complaining… *whistles* oh dammit,, i forgot,, i can’t whistle… wenever i try,, it sounds oddly [and horribly] lyk wind blowing during winter season…. *sigh* [speakin of winter… wers d snow!?!?!?!?!?!?]

im soooooooo nervous about midterms…… wenever i open powerschool.. i hear my brain talking to my ear [wat d–?] saying: “brace urself for F’ssssssssss” no worries,, i was expecting W’s anyway..

my sister made this thing with apples.. its mae up of cream cheese, peanut butter and marsh mallows….. how was it? {oh, yeah,, it was really gooood…. yum yum} it tasted lyk vomit….. and she LiKED it…. weird weird weird.. not 2 mention nasty….uggggghhhhh *shudders*

oh,, and for that SPECIAL SUM1 dat i oh-so-dearly-luv (throws up),,, here’s a song for you…

There you go
You’re always so right
It’s all a big show
It’s all about you

You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time
to criticize me

It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can’t get it right
It’s like I’m the one
you love to hate
But not today.

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don’t wanna hear it
Get out Get out Get out
Get out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You’ll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

There you go
You never ask why
It’s all a big lie
Whatever you do

You think you’re special
But I know and I know and I know
And we know
that you’re not

You’re always there to point
Out my mistakes
And shove them in my face
It’s like I’m the one you love to hate
But not today.

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don’t wanna hear it
Get out Get out Get out
Get out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You’ll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Is gonna bring me down.
Will never bring me down.

Don’t tell me who I should be
and don’t try to tell me what’s right for me
Don’t tell me what I should do
I don’t wanna waste my time
I’ll watch you fade away

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don’t wanna hear it
Get out Get out Get out
Get out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You’ll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don’t wanna hear it
Get out Get out Get out
Get out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You’ll never stop me
Nothing you say Is gonna bring me down

Bring me down
Won’t bring me down
Won’t bring me down
Bring me down
Won’t bring me down

Shut up Shut up Shut up

lykd it??? mwahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

MID TERMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  it’s just too gud 2 be tru!!!! i mean,,, really!!!!!! ever since i came back,, its been HELL….  i dont get enuff sleep..  2 much work and jetlag…. gawd..  i had 9 hrs of sleep in 3 days!!! i looked lyk a zombie in school… hahah!!  but seriously… it was really hard…  but goin back home in the Philippines was all worth it… i think..

it was fun–at first… the hard part was leavin… dammit!!! it was sad…  i mean,, i dont know wen im goin 2 see dem agen… probably 5 years from now… dats hard.. bcoz i grew up with those pipol.. wen i first got hir 2 yrs ago,, i think i had insomnia…. not bcoz i had jetlag,, but bcoz i keep on thinkin about them… its just hard to accept the cold hard fact that its a different life now.. dat is never goin 2 be the same ever agen.. EVER…it took me 2 years to move on and adjust to everything.. and wen i went back der,,, its lyk nothing happened..i felt lyk i never went hi in US.. i felt lyk everything was a dream.. more lyk a nytmare.. but now dat im back hir,,, i feel lyk that was a dream dat never happened.. and now,, im back at square one… 2 years of tryin 2 move on and all those draggin-myself-to-be-orayt all went 2 waste.. sumtyms,, i think about it and i get all messed up… wat do i really want?!?! go back der and take d risk of putting my life back 2geder,, or stay hir and play it safe?!!?!?!?! dammit. this is one of those moments wen i realize dat life sux… i mean,,i cant go back now… i cant throw everything my parents had worked for.. but i cant stay here all my life either… i grew up der,, and hell, im goin back..  its hard to move on,, and convince urself dat,, dis is it.. no turning back.. just hav 2 deal with… just wen u thought u got everything figured out,, ur future,, friends,, and even plans for ur whole lyftym…and u found those pipol u know ur goin to be with for a really long tym,, (after all those damned searching) u find out u have to leave,,, and go sumwer only hell knows wer….. some 12 000 freakin miles away!?!?!? how am i suppose to go on with life knowing that this world is not for me!??! sumtyms i think i just dont belong hir,,, and i wanna scream,, run down the street and tell everyone how fucking hard it is to do live life this way!?!?!? its lyk im wearing this gawd dammit mask,,, trying to hide everything inside for 2 freaking years?!!??!?! putting up this big smyl,, being a crackhead,, wen i feel lik everything’s tearin me up inside?!!?!??! i remeber those tyms i made promises that “yeah,, i’ll be with you no matter wat..” but hell no,,, im miles away from them,, and cant even do anything to make them feel better wen theyre down… i hate pipol breakin promises,, and now,, it just made me hate myself even more..

i hear my sister and my brother cryin sumtyms… (actually,, just last nyt..) and i try not to do the same fucking thing… i mean,, wats the use?!?! ive been there,, dats wat ive been doin for 2 years..and it didnt do anything…. if there’s one thing ive learned in all these,, its dat tears dont do anything,, they just make life messier… and once u start it,, it wont stop… but another think dat ive learned.. more important than that,, is dat holding eveything inside for a long tym is not good… i proved that gawd damned ryt..

shit!!!! wat the hell am i doin!?!?!?!?!?!??! but i gotta admit,, after 2 years of holding that back,, it feels good to at least lessen this fucking-gawd-damned thing im feeling ryt now.. i swear,, i try to put it behind me,, but its NOT THAT EASY…