this was supposed to be a good thing. i’ve been waiting for this for so long that i think i’ve forgotten the real reason why i think this is so great. it’s nothing bad, for sure. i just didn’t think so much stuff would be taken away in exchange for what seems to be, at least for right now, so litle.
i’ve gotten so used to having something infront of me. not so much a plan, but more of a purpose. a bigger thing that i can be a part of. i had that, once. i looked for a really long time for that, and now i dont even remember how it feels like to have it. i dont wanna be one of those empty souls who float around, not knowing what to do, where to go. i used to feel sorry for those people. now i’m one of them.
i dont belong here. i just know it. it’s not bad. it’ just… it’s not right for me. it never was. i picked what i believed was right at the time. and for reasons that weren’t for me. ok, maybe for my well being, but all in all, for a greater Reason. and you’d think life would go along with me and just let me have this, coz it seems like it’s just right. it’s meant to be. yet for some reason….
i’m floating. i get up with no sense of direction. no purpose. life’s becoming a chore. what was it like when i was part of something bigger? when i had things to do that mattered? i’m walking with my eyes closed – eyes that took forever to be opened. heart as cold as stone. just empty, and seemingly incapable of doing what i’m supposed to be doing.
there’s gotta be more than this.