should i even give the play-by-play of my week? it sucked. there. i just saved you some time.
alright fine. i had 4 exams in the span of one week. and that includes the weekly load that we have – 2 labs i have to read and prepare for, weekly readings, quizzes, homeworks, etc. i still got 8 hours of sleep most nights, but damn, i didn’t talk to anyone but my roommate. i mean, she’s nice, but i need to get out of here. (see: good grades vs. social life vs. enough sleep graph)
it just sucks because i am feeling the exact opposite of what i blogged about a few weeks ago. remember that getting-into-nursing school high? that is looong gone. don’t get me wrong, i’m still grateful and inspired (kind of), but the stress and pressure are starting to get to me. i’m kind of proud that i was able to hold it together this long, and of course i would prefer that i didn’t have a mental breakdown at all, but geez, it’s been a long time coming.
ok, things are not as bad as they seem. it’s never as bad as they seem. but it’s a slippery slope, and i just don’t want to get that nauseating feeling of on-the-verge-of-failing ever again. i have a clean conscience on this one, though. i have been working my ass non-stop. granted, i could do better. but my study habits have never been better. so why does it feel like it’s not enough?
i know they said nursing school was going to be hard. i hear that everyday. and i hear people say that people say that it’s going to be hard and they just didn’t know it was going to be this hard (you still with me?). i just thought that i’ve prepared myself enough for this.
i came in ready, willing, and able. now, i’m barely willing, i’m apparently not able, and and i don’t think i’ll ever be ready. or at least not ready enough.
i’ve done my share of sacrifices. i’ve done my share of prioritizing. and i know that it’s only been a month, and i still have a looooooong way to go. and i shouldn’t even be complaining because i’m sure someone out there is on a worse situation (academic-wise, nursing school-wise, life-wise). and really, it’s not as bad as i make it out to be. and everything is ok. everyone is ok.
so why did i find myself wandering around downtown Baltimore like it’s the safest fucking place on earth?