Entropy

You are anxious at the moment, probably due to the strong feeling that your worth is not currently being appreciated, either platonically or romantically. You probably feel that others simply do not understand you and this leads to withholding emotional committment, which will innevitably lead to distance and increased stress. Often those around you will assume that you are cold and calculating, when in fact you are merely fearful.

You are extremely distressed, possibly to the point of nervous exhaustion. There is a likelihood that you feel your goals are not attainable or else that something is preventing you from attaining them. This anxiety is building to the point that it expresses itself through irritability, sudden anger, or a pervasive sense of helplessness. You will likely try to avoid stress or stimulation in an attempt to combat your interior intensity

 

From: http://www.hypnoid.com/EM_entropy/

Love is patient…

Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous. It is not boastful, it is not proud.
It is not rude, or self-seeking. it is not easily-angered.
it does not brood over grievances.
Love does not rejoice in wrongdoings,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
and endures all things.
Love never fails.

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7  

 

I regretted not documenting how my birthday was last year. So I’m making sure I do that for this year.

I was anxious because I thought I would just sit here in my apartment all day. But I kept myself busy I guess.

Phonecalls and texts. Call me lame and cheesy, but I’m old school. I like getting these things. My favorite ones are the ones from the Philippines. They were all very sweet. 
“My birthday prayer for you. May you continue to bless others as God blesses you, have strength, wisdom, and a heart that continually delights in serving Him. Happy birthday!” – Daddy Jerry, Mommy Agnes

“Let this beautiful day give you joy as God provides for all your needs. And may He bless you and your day with answered prayers and blessings abound. God gives gifts of love through people like you. May all your days be as special as the memories you create in the hearts of those you touch and cared for. The Lord never fails to give us new blessings every time we wake up. Waking up alive and well is already a miracle! A blessing we owe to Him. Happy Birthday!” -Tita Christy

And the phonecall from Shilay really, really made my day, too. And of course the text from Nanay. I miss them, a lot.

Honorable mention: 
“Happy Birthday, girl! Glad you were born so I could know you! :)” – Melissa 

Mass, 7am and 12noon. How else am I supposed to start my birthday? Of course I gotta give thanks. And once is most definitely not enough. I am so incredibly blessed, sometimes it’s unbelievable. And sometimes it’s easy to forget.

Julianna. I visited her. Three times. What can I say? That little girl stole my heart.

Jacques. Getting inspired, being grateful, learning how to give the best patient care. We talked about our life goals, and it made me think of mine. I know I like Pediatric nursing, but nothing is ever set in stone. Maybe I’ll end up in Med-Surg again, or ICU, or ED. Or become an NP. I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. Because I just want to be the best nurse I can be. My goal is to not lose sight of my purpose: That in everything that I do, I’m doing it for the greater glory of His name.

Lunch with Micahel. He hasn’t changed. Sweet, charming, and funny. But he looked so tired. I felt so bad for him. It was really nice to see him again in person. YMCA.

Scrubs and nap. I mean, my two favorite things in the world. 

Dinner. Broadway Diner. I got the Broadway Feast, as featured on The Food Network. 😉 We were there for three hours. Oh my. 

Me: My shrimp can give birth to your shrimp……. Do shrimps lay eggs?
Jessi: (looks it up) Oh… They’re like yeast.
Me: They expand?
Jessi: (Facepalm) No… They can switch genders. From female to male, and from male to female.
Me: Much like the prostitutes on Baltimore Street. 

Cake and presents. Jessi, Faith, Anthony, Charmaine, and Andrew. They were all here in our apartment. They sang Happy birthday to me – which I haven’t experienced in YEARS. We gobbled down some BTS cake. 

Me: So… is it really BTS, you guys?
Faith: I mean… I wouldn’t know?

We then opened presents. Faith got me a Pick Me Up Care Package complete with chocolate, Crazy, Stupid Love DVD, Seventeen magazine with JBiebs, Augustana’s self-titled, White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookies, and of course, three Smirnoff Ice. I got iced. So, Charmaine, Faith, and I chugged. For the first time, ever. Needless to say, we all felt sick afterwards. Gross. Jessi and Charmaine got me a Testudo Pillowpet, which I love. And of course, the One Direction CD. Haha. 🙂 

It was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. Again, I am so blessed with a loving family and group of friends.

Julianna

I’ve always known I would enjoy Peds. But it still took my by surprise by how much I love the unit, and the patients, and the families of the patients, and just EVERYTHING. 

My friend Jenny had this patient, Julianna, and she was just amazing. She was Filipino, so I got along with her and her parents really fast. She got attached, and so did I. I literally don’t even remember what I did with her or what we talked about, but I remember seeing her smile, and how it lit up the room. He parents were sweet, nice, and patient with us. It’s patients like her and families like the one she had who make it all worth it. I will for sure never forget her.

The patient that I actually had was adorable. He has sickle cell, so he was in a LOT of pain. But he powered through, that little munchkin. We are told constantly that the things the patients remember are not the nursing skills – how well we put in an IV, how neat we make the bed, or how diligent we are with the meds. Those are important, obciously. But what they remember is the patient care. What the parents appreciated is how I stayed in there to color with their son, to make crafts, to teach him how to use the incentive spirometer (and what it was for). I honestly just wanted the patient to have a good hospital stay. Yeah, I can take his pain away with his meds, but I can ease that loneliness and that fear as easily. He was on isolation, too, so he couldn’t leave. The least I could do was hang out with him. My heart really goes out to him and his family. I got to see him leae the hospital, and it made me so incredibly happy and relieved. He might not be 100% healthy, but at least I know his pain is under control.

I am going to love Peds. I already do. I really can’t imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life. 

5 Ways You Know It’s Time to Get Married

5 Ways You Know It’s Time to Get Married
By John Cheese – Cracked.com

#5. You Don’t Have to Impress Each Other

… There are several ways to do this, but the result has to be the same: it’s you getting to a point where you can share the worst parts of yourself and not judge the other person when they do the same. This is why meeting on the Internet works so well for some people — they actually find it easier to be open and honest with a faceless person. For other people, they try dating somebody they’ve already become friends with — they were at the party where you accidentally pooped yourself in high school, there’s no need to pretend you’re suave. Or, maybe you just date somebody long enough that those barriers all fall down one by one, against your will.

In my particular case, three years ago I met a woman named Shaniqua Childpuncher (who for privacy’s sake we’ll call “Emily”), but not in a dating situation. We were just two people who made dick jokes with each other online, with no real plans for hooking up or even flirting for that matter. Since we didn’t have any of that stuff at stake, we didn’t have to worry about censoring ourselves or using the “date voice.” We could be open in the way that friends are when sharing crude jokes — baring disfiguring emotional scars and everything else. No subject is off limits in a conversation like that; the old addictions, horrifying relationships, the vices and embarrassing childhood photos (her pics came complete with boyband posters on her bedroom walls, mine were from the time I was in an actual boy band). It progressed from there. We’ve lived together for over two years now, and not once have either of us considered that this might not be the right thing…

#4. You Have to Learn How to Trust

…You’re not born with the ability to trust — as a newborn baby, you screamed your head off the moment Mom left the room, for fear you’d been abandoned. Trust is learned. I never had a reason to trust someone in my younger years, so my default position was to assume the worst.  The other person’s actual track record had nothing to do with it.

It wasn’t until I met Emily that I really felt secure, and it goes back to that openness that I talked about earlier. When someone bares as much dirty laundry as we both have, you don’t really feel that they have any room to hide anything. If she’s shared this much of herself with me, she couldn’t hide something even if she wanted to. So if she told me that she was going to take a few days to go to an undisclosed location for an unexplained reason, I’d be totally fine with it. She’s earned the trust, and this time I’m man enough to give it…

#3. You Become Friends (At Some Point)

…You can’t make a relationship work unless you actually enjoy each other’s non-sex company. If that sounds like rock-stupid obvious advice, then you don’t realize what a massive number of married couples didn’t follow it before shopping for rings…

But it works for some people and it did work for me. I was friends with Emily first and not only did I regularly unleash every retarded joke about balls that popped into my head, but our entire friendship was based around it. For instance, one of my most passionate creative pursuits in life is playing sports video games and thinking up profane names for the players. She joined me in spending hours in front of the character editor in NBA 2K, creating Point Guard “Hunchfuck Clusterbutt” and Center “Browncock Shitdents,” laughing until we couldn’t breathe. She made me sit down and watch the entire run of Battlestar Galactica. We liked hanging out, is what I’m saying.

And that thing people get in their heads, that friendship and relationships are opposite things, it’s hard to explain but it’s a different flavor of friendship, one where sex can break out at any time. Maybe we need a new word for it (and something less clinical sounding than “compatibility”). But no matter what you call it, that connection is the core of the relationship. Not the sex, not romance. And it’s not just the ability to tolerate each other in between the fun stuff.

#2. Neither of you is in Debt to the Other

Don’t picture your relationship as two people pulling a wagon. It’s like two legs carrying a person. 

If you break a toe, your legs don’t have an argument about the fact that one of them is forcing you to limp. You just automatically change your stride and keep going.

It’s hard as hell to get into the two legs mindset. If, say, you’re working and the other one isn’t, or if you’re working more hours, it’s easy to get to thinking that it’s your money, like you’re the father doling out an allowance, and that your significant other has to answer for every penny.

That’s when money destroys relationships. When you’re still thinking in terms of what’s yours and what’s hers, and what each of you have “earned” in money or time or unpleasant tasks that need doing. As long as you’re keeping a separate score, you’re still not thinking of yourselves as a couple. You’re just roommates.

You have to get to the point where you can trust each other to draw from the same pool, and if the girl says she needs $50 worth of (vagina polishing cream? I don’t know my girly products) that you trust she is being responsible. And when your job earns you some extra money in one particular week or month, you both get to decide how it’s spent. Even if it was your working overtime that earned it. Otherwise, everything becomes a battle.

#1. You Are Truly Grasping What Forever Means

…Imagine marriage didn’t even exist as a thing. Like imagine you didn’t live in a society where marriage is expected and where you continually get shit from people for not “tying the knot.” Imagine all of those social pressures were gone, nobody was nagging you about it. Would you still make the promise to stay with this person forever? Are you getting married because you want to be married? Or just because that’s what people do? A stunning number of marriages seem to happen because of the latter.

(Emily) made me realize that there exists a commitment so deep that some people are willing to bind themselves to its vows even without a piece of paper and a preacher to walk you through them. And I feel the same way she does. I mean, when you boil it right down to the basics, I’m committed to never cheating on her. I already love her, and I always will — true, honest love isn’t something that just dries up one day. I will always take care of her, no matter what the circumstance. I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life with her …

__________________________________________________________

B-day. Dundundun.

So I had the greatest dream last night, and I woke up wanting more.

It was my birthday, and you had a surprise for me. It was a party… kind of. But it was just people giving me Harry Potter-related birthday presents. Except most of them were Chocolate Frog cards. It was awesome. Also, Emma Watson made an appearance. She just handed me her Chocolate Frog card, and then signed it. 

But the best part was you. You holding my hand, arm around my shoulder, and then my waist. Us on the couch. Me finally getting the courage to lean on to you, on your shoulder, on your chest. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is I miss you.