You Were My High, Then You Were My Low

And through everything, despite everything, I cannot forget the fact that you are a guy. That you have certain needs, needs that I’ve been depriving you of, I guess. That’s why the physical stuff is easy for you, tempting even. But I need this to be clear.

How much I care about someone and how much they care about me are directly related to how physical I want to be. It’s about how much I’m willing to give to a person. This is the one thing that I alone can give and no one (ideally) should have the power to take it away from me. In a world where people can have anything they want (instantly) and buy themselves anything they need, giving myself is the only thing I can give someone fully and completely. This is when I am most naked (literally and metaphorically) and most vulnerable. This is not something I just share with anyone.

So once I realized I wanted to be with you, that I wanted to make this work, the physical stuff came naturally. And yes, maybe it’s what most of our conversations gravitate towards, but that’s because we’ve only just begun and now you’re gone. We barely started being completely intimate, and then you had to leave for work. Kind of like how the last song you’ve heard keeps playing again and again in your head. This was the last form of you I had, and it lingered. You lingered.

Is that so bad?